Summary
- Katherine's humorous remarks serve as perfect tension cutters in The Vampire Diaries.
- Katherine's sarcastic and evil humor shines through her witty and bold quotes.
- No one can outwit Katherine, and her back-up plans are always better than her enemies'.
On The Vampire Diaries, Katherine Pierce is a lot of things: a vampire, a doppelganger, a human, a villain, an anti-heroine, a mother, and most of all a survivor - and Katherine Pierce has some of the best quotes in the show. Katherine learns a lot over her 500 years on the run, evolving from a teen mom shunned by her family into a fashion-forward, high-heeled she-devil whose greatest talent is outwitting those who seek to destroy her. Katherine Pierce is a flashier, sassier version of her shadow self, Elena Gilbert.
Katherine also has a wicked sense of humor, wonderfully dry -- like a desiccating vampire -- with a dash of sarcasm for extra flavor. Just like everything else about Katherine Pierce, her humor is distinctly her own. Her witty remarks are perfectly timed, and on various occasions, serve as a perfect tension cutter. Some of the best Katherine Pierce quotes in The Vampire Diaries prove how funny she really is.
"You Can Understand Why I'm A Little Upset That I'm On The Verge Of Being Defeated By A Sinus Infection!"
Season 5, Episode 2 “True Lies”
Though Katherine was upset that her human life had been taken away from her, she adapted well to being a vampire and carved out an impressive path for herself wherever she went. Katherine has been through a lot by the time she and Elena cross paths.
That’s why it pains her so much that losing her vampire healing abilities means that she might not survive very long.
Sure, she could try to outrun the Mikaelson siblings and stay one step ahead of witches, but a cold or a sinus infection is a surprisingly real danger. Her annoyance at the realization is palpable and also hilarious.
"God, You're Hot. Now Go Away."
Season 2, Episode 7 “Masquerade”
Katherine might be manipulative and like to play her cards close to the vest, but she can also be incredibly blunt, saying exactly what’s on her mind. That’s the case with a line like this one, which is directed at Matt Donovan. Matt, who maintains his human status throughout the show, finds himself in relationships with a few different vampires, and his looks and authenticity are remarked on by all of them.
Matt dates Elena before she becomes a vampire, Caroline during her transitional period, and even spends a summer with Rebekah. He and Katherine don’t have a relationship, but it’s clear that she’s another vampire who finds him attractive, but she also doesn’t have time for him when she’s in the middle of a scheme, and that likely saves his life on more than one occasion.
"We Both Know I Could Rip You To Shreds And Do My Nails At The Same Time."
Season 2, Episode 4 "Memory Lane"
Katherine is back in town in season two. She manages to get inside Stefan's head and relive old memories of them together. Stefan wakes up and realizes that Katherine is in bed with him. Katherine, being a much older vampire, is much stronger than Stefan. She easily pushes him away when he attacks.
For Katherine killing and shedding blood is easy, almost second nature. Her line about being able to do her nails while spilling blood only adds to her sarcastic and evil humor. It causes a chuckle at the fact that Katherine really is capable of doing it.
“Ooooh, You Gilbert Men, So Courageous. How’s John, By The Way? Were They Able To Sew His Fingers Back On?”
Season 2, Episode 7 "Masquerade"
Katherine has a wicked sense of humor that works well with her character. It also garners a few laughs. In "Masquerade" of season two, Katherine has a bit of fun. She masterminds a plan to retrieve the moonstone by threatening Damona and Stefan. She also has a witch on her side, so she feels even more confident than usual.
Jeremy delivers a message to her from Stefan. Katherine isn't impressed and Jeremy tells her he isn't afraid of her. To which Katherine whips back with a comical line about chopping off John Gilbert's fingers.
“13 If You Don't Get To The Point.”
Season 4, Episode 22 “The Walking Dead”
Katherine doesn’t mince words when she decides to threaten someone. She also doesn’t make idle threats. This is one of the instances in the series, however, where it might seem like it is because the line is so flippant.
When Bonnie is talking about the 12 witches who died in the same spot where she’s able to perform powerful magic, Katherine gets very bored with the explanation. She informs Bonnie that if she doesn’t hurry up and get through her explanation, Katherine might add a 13th witch to the site. Bonnie tends to be a very valuable asset for the core characters, including Katherine, so the audience doesn’t take this particular Katherine Pierce quote seriously, but Katherine’s temper could have gotten the better of her.
"Damon's Spirals Require A Little More Than An Overnight Bag."
Season 5, Episode 14 "No Exit"
In season five in the episode, "No Exit" of The Vampire Diaries, Katherine and Stefan take a little road trip. Damon is infected with a special serum that causes him to want to feed on vampire blood. Katherine is currently pretending to be Elena and hopes to rekindle a romance with Stefan.
Once they arrive at the motel, Stefan makes a witty comment about how much luggage Katherine brought. Katherine makes a comical remark about how when Damon is out of control, one never knows how long it will be. Hence, why it requires more luggage than a simple overnight bag.
"Cold, Manipulative, Good Hair. You Really Are My Daughter."
Season 5, Episode 12 "The Devil Inside"
No one expected Katherine to have any family, much less a living daughter. Nadia makes her appearance and tries to help Katherine finish the transformation into Elena's body. However, the process is never simple. Katherine ends up killing the witch that was helping with the spell.
She does this by ripping out her heart. Katherine hates any loose ends. Nadia has no issue with it and even its to not liking the witch. Katherine cracks a joke about Nadia being cold-hearted and having good hair. So Nadia really must be her daughter. It runs in the family.
“Ugh. Don’t You Ever Stop Crying?”
Season 4, Episode 6 “We All Go A Little Mad Sometimes”
When Katherine is sad, she doesn’t weep or hole herself up somewhere. Instead, she gets angry and targets whatever it is that makes her sad - or outruns it completely. That’s part of the reason she’s survived for so long in The Vampire Diaries.
That’s why Katherine doesn’t understand why she finds Elena crying so often. Elena, however, does find her emotions heightened as a vampire, and she leans into sadness just as much as she leans into anger. Katherine focuses her feelings instead, calculating how to use them.
"Do You Honestly Believe I Don't Have A Plan 'B?'"
Season 2, Episode 6 "Plan B"
When Katherine returns to Mystic Falls during season 2, she claims she's in town to win Stefan back. But the Salvatore brothers suspect she's not just hoping to rekindle a century-old romance. It doesn't take them long to learn she's using a lovesick Mason Lockwood to get her hands on the moonstone.
They have no idea just how diabolical her scheme is, but a jealous jilted Damon killing Mason on "Plan B" is an unforeseen but rectifiable complication. "You honestly believe I don't have a Plan 'B?' And if that fails, a Plan 'C,' then a Plan 'D,' and -- you know how the alphabet works, don't you?" Nobody one-ups Katherine Pierce, especially the likes of Damon.
"Little Tip, Woman To Woman -- Don't Piss Off The Diabolical Ones."
Season 5, Episode 5 "Monster's Ball"
After Nadia takes Katherine hostage in season 5, "Kitty Kat" has no idea who her captor is, nor does she care. All Katherine knows is Nadia is a preferable option to Silas who has the same laser focus as Klaus does when it comes to getting what he wants. Katherine isn't big on women ing women: all of her moves are transactional. But she must sense Nadia is in way over her head, dealing with a complete psychopath. "Little tip, woman to woman -- don't piss off the diabolical ones," is the best piece of advice she can give her.
