The dating lives of the characters on Seinfeld are usually pretty disastrous, but no one has a harder time finding love than George Costanza. Though some of it could be blamed on bad luck, George is also terrible at communicating with women and knows just what to say to turn them off the idea of dating him.
Despite his many failures, George continues to search for his dream girl, making a fool of himself along the way. his awkward and thoughtless attempts are very painful to watch, and yet it is impossible to look away. Here are George Costanza's most inappropriate pickup lines from Seinfeld.
"I just want us to be… together."
For George, dating is not always a way of finding love. Sometimes it is just about revenge. He is a very petty man, after all, and he is willing to go to great lengths when he has been wronged. But when he attempts to get attention from his parents, George crosses a very creepy line.
In an effort to get his parents to stop ignoring his phone calls and visits, George decides to ask out his cousin. He hopes her horrified reaction will cause Frank and Estelle to get in touch with George.
"Is It... Doable?"
George is not the kind of person that takes his work very seriously, but when he is hired for a dream job with the New York Yankees, he decides to put in at least a bit of effort. So when it comes to hiring an assistant, he avoids the temptation to hire a beautiful woman and goes for someone plainer.
The plan doesn't work as his new assistant's efficiency proves to be a turn on. After awkwardly broaching the subject, George and his assistant have sex and he impulsively tells her he's giving her a raise. Unprofessional and very gross.
Well Marisa, see the thing is… I'm sort of engaged.
Despite all of his many faults, George does somehow manage to get attractive women to date him for at least a little while. However, he really scored out of his league when he manages to catch the eye of none other than Marisa Tomei.
A friend of Elaine happens to know Tomei and mentions that George is just her type. Obviously, George jumps at the chance to meet her even though he happens to be engaged at the time. Miraculously, the beautiful actor seems charmed by George. But as soon as he tells her his relationship status, she punches him in the face.
"I just got back from a trip to the Galapagos Islands. I was living with the turtles."
George does not have a lot of skills, but he is a world-class liar. He can pull a lie out of thin air to help whatever selfish cause he's pursuing. And he doesn't hesitate to use this superpower in his pursuit of women either.
Though George loves to pretend to be an architect, due to an impulsive lie by Jerry, he is forced to pretend to be a marine biologist. Though it is not his first choice, George takes to the lie quite naturally, using it to shamelessly try to impress yet another woman who is too good for him.
"You're in jail? That's so cool!"
You never know where you're going to meet someone new and share a connection. For George, he's really willing to look everywhere and anywhere. So after running into a beautiful woman at a prison he is visiting, he assumes she works there. But when she reveals she's an actual prisoner, George is ecstatic.
Besides the fact that the woman probably doesn't think it's so cool that she's in prison, George sees this as the perfect scenario for a relationship. To him, a woman who can never surprise him with a visit and who he always knows where she is represents the dream girl.
"This woman hates me so much… I'm starting to like her."
It's not easy to like George Costanza. In fact, it's a mystery why anyone puts up with him at all. Perhaps that is why George seems to have developed a strange and unhealthy connection between love and hate.
When Jerry begins dating a new girl, she quickly and understandably develops a genuine hatred for George. Though she is not the first woman to feel this way, she dislikes him so much that George becomes obsessed with her. Eventually, he confesses to her and Jerry that this hatred has led to him falling for her.
Horse manure's not that bad.
Part of the charm of Seinfeld is the mundane and pointless conversations these characters share with each other. While their odd opinions might be fun to watch as viewers, it's probably a bit of a turn off in a romantic relationship. George finds this out the hard way.
After summoning the courage to ask out a waitress he has a crush on, the two take a walk in the park. Inexplicably, George decides to discuss his love of horse manure and explain how to word itself is charming. At this point, the woman quickly tells George she has a boyfriend.
"My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents."
At a certain point in the series, George realizes that he has been entirely unsuccessful at hiding his true, undesirable self. He concludes that every instinct he has in life to try to appear more desirable has not worked out for him, therefore, he should go against his instincts and embrace his true self.
He puts the interesting theory to the test with an attractive woman he sees in the diner. Going against his normal approach, his pickup line is a brutally honest ission. But to George's shocking credit, it works.
"But I'm disturbed. I'm depressed. I'm inadequate. I got it all."
George isn't only willing to hide his true nature from women in order to get a date, but he's also willing to hide other people's true nature as well. After meeting a beautiful woman, George decides to take her out to dinner with Jerry and Elaine.
Fearing that Jerry will upstage him with his usually joking around, George asks him not to be funny. The plan backfires however as the woman is more intrigued by Jerry's dark and moody persona. Trying to correct this error, George insists that he is the one with real issues.
"My name's Buck Naked, I'm a porno actor."
Sometimes George is so desperate to get into a relationship that he fails to consider whether or not he actually likes the girl. This leads to him being stuck in a bad relationship, trying to find a way out without appearing like the bad guy.
Usually, George wouldn't have too much trouble convincing a girl that she is too good for him, but one particular girlfriend seems unwilling to accept the fact that he's no good. Desperate, George tries to convince her he's gay and that fails, he pretends he is a porno actor named Buck Naked. Of course, the one time George's pickup line was meant to fail, the girl finds it exciting.