If the length of their relationships is any indication, beloved NBC sitcom 'about nothing' finds the gang cycling through a plethora of significant others across nine seasons. Manhattan's worst-behaved friends usually tank their own budding relationships, whether by picking prospects for the wrong reasons, obsessing over partners' mannerisms, or being plainly dishonest.
Several relationships on Seinfeld could actually be described as sweet; Kramer's illicit romance with a poet hiding from a library cop, for instance, or Elaine's multiple flings with the adorable David Puddy. Most often, though, they're quickly derailed by the foursome's not-so-wise dating choices.
Never Date Your Heroes
Dating famous people can be a tricky business. Elaine learns this when she meets Jack, whose gaze is so smoldering that one look makes her dump her current beau. Later, she's horrified to realize she knows that look from a commercial where Jack plays a goofy blowout sale mascot, 'The Wiz.'
Earlier in the series, George fantasizes about dating Oscar-winner Marisa Tomei when he discovers they have a mutual friend. Though he scores a coffee date, he ends up getting punched after he tells Tomei he's already unhappily engaged.
Mixing Work And Play
As the group's only nine-to-five-er, Elaine uses her workplace as a hunting ground—and so do her friends. Her fling with the conservative Fred, a colleague at the publishing company, turns nightmarish when he receives her Christmas card featuring a too-revealing portrait.
When George manages to secure a job at Elaine's publishing company, he begins an affair with a member of the cleaning staff, only for her to tattle to their boss and get him fired. On the upside, he's even able to land dates at the unemployment office.
Dating Doppelgängers
When Jerry dates people too much like himself, it never works out. Tensions rise when dating a fellow germaphobe after he drops her toothbrush in the toilet, and his similarities to Jeannie Steinman, the "female Jerry," lead him to propose for the second time in the show's run, only for them to quickly realize they can't stand each other.
Even Elaine can't help dating Jerry's doppelgängers. Her ex-boyfriend 'Bizarro Jerry' makes a better friend on every front, but things go south when he and his pals decide she isn't up to par.
Going Out With Your Friend's Ex
In season nine's famous reverse-chronological episode, Jerry sleeps with his ex Nina right after giving George her number. When George invites her on a group trip to a wedding in India, everyone tries to keep the tryst from coming to light. After a drunk Elaine spills the beans, George forces Nina to choose between her suitors, but she its she only wanted the free plane ticket.
When Kramer dates Gail Cunningham, another of Jerry's exes, things aren't much better, as she swindles Elaine out of a priceless pair of shoes.
Gossipping
While we're all inclined to talk shop when beginning a new relationship, Jerry's girlfriends certainly get an earful of rude comments. In "The Voice," Claire's nighttime stomach grumbling leads the group to adopt a 'voice' mimicking it. When Jerry shouts a warning from a window to avoid a plummeting oil-filled rubber sack, she assumes he's using 'the voice' and winds up getting hurt.
Another victim is Sidra, who Jerry dumps after Elaine speculates she has breast implants. When Elaine crashes into her in the sauna steam room, an outraged Sidra believes she's been set up.
Being Way Too Picky
Jerry and George have a way of finding something wrong with nearly every woman they go out with. Whether it be Jerry taking issue with his girlfriend's large hands or George not liking Audrey's nose in "The Nose Job," the pair spend a lot of time criticizing women's bodies, especially when the neurotic duo aren't nearly the catches they think they are.
Particularly cringe-worthy is "The Strike," in which Jerry spends the entire episode stringing along Gwen, a woman who looks strikingly different depending on the lighting.
Ignoring Major Red Flags
Sometimes, warning signs can be oddly alluring. Kramer is enticed by Connie's insistence on staying home and doesn't mind keeping their relationship a secret. But, when he es out due to an erratic sleep schedule, Connie assumes he's dead and has him thrown into the Hudson River so her mobster boyfriend won't find out.
Elaine is similarly intrigued by news of a blind date's exes exacting violent revenge on him. It turns out it's because he's a "bad breaker-upper," and, when Elaine calls it quits, Alan dubs her "big-head."
Getting A Little Too Comfortable
When his girlfriend Melissa always wants to hang out in his apartment stark naked, a perplexed Jerry can't decide if he's comfortable with it. He doesn't expect that, when he finally tries out casual nudity, Melissa won't be able to get the unpleasant image out of her head.
Kramer also crosses boundaries in "The Truth." A ionate fling with Elaine's roommate Tina results in a messy kitchen, music blasting at all hours, and even Kramer walking in on Elaine while she's changing.
Revealing You Slept With The Groom
Seinfeld is all about navigating the difficulties of romantic life, but Elaine's gaffe in the final season proves she still has much to learn. At her frenemy's destination nuptials, Elaine is trying to figure out where she knows the groom from.
During the ceremony, she reveals to George that she slept with the groom when he went by a different name, and George blurts it out for all to hear. The truth comes out and the wedding is called off.
Dating Your Best Friend
In the second-season episode "The Deal," onetime lovers Jerry and Elaine come up with a set of rules for a friends-with-benefits relationship. Soon enough, things become complicated when Jerry agonizes over whether to stay the night and what kind of gift to get Elaine for her birthday.
Ultimately, it's more satisfying for Jerry and Elaine, and, for many fans, for the pair to remain good friends with just an occasional side of flirtation.