Shawn Finch’s approaching wedding to Alliya de Batista is doing little to quell his fears about the Shawn and Alliya fell in love before Alliya began her gender transition, which has been difficult for Shawn to accept. During their appearance on 90 Day Fiancé: Love In Paradise, Shawn realized that he would lose Alliya if he didn’t embrace her new identity. However, as Alliya pursues surgery, Shawn’s is wavering.

Alliya, who is from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, accepted Shawn’s proposal and moved to Los Angeles as the couple prepared to marry. At the same time, they both seem skeptical about their ability to remain together. Shawn isn’t thrilled about marrying a woman, but Alliya is happy for the first time in her life. The couple’s tender moments show me that their love is strong, but I worry they’re not being honest with each other – or themselves. Shawn repeatedly expresses concerns during his interviews, causing me to wonder if their marriage will be built on a foundation of distrust.

Shawn & Alliya Are In Different Life Stages

They Have A 36-Year Age Gap

The age gap between Shawn and Alliya is one of the most concerning factors in their relationship. Shawn is 62, while Alliya is 26. Not only does their age difference create a power imbalance, but they are also at vastly different stages in their financial lives. Shawn is an established Hollywood makeup artist and hair stylist, whereas Alliya is just starting out in life. His welcoming Alliya into his home and his life seems to come with the unspoken condition that she abides by his rules.

The couple’s commitment to each other may be outweighed by their differing life experiences.

Shawn and Alliya’s age gap also lends itself to their conflicting views on identity and marriage. Shawn was married previously and has grown children. Meanwhile, Alliya is early in her transition and still discovering herself. While Shawn doesn’t seem entirely invested in their relationship, Alliya’s move to America will change the course of her entire future. The couple’s commitment to each other may be outweighed by their differing life experiences. With financial success and relationships under his belt, Shawn seems to sometimes forget how much is at stake for Alliya.

Shawn Kept His Loved Ones In The Dark About His Relationship

Even His Children Didn’t Know He Was Engaged

Shawn and Alliya’s relationship was born out of secrecy. During Love In Paradise, Alliya finally told her family about Shawn, which was a profound step towards feeling secure in her identity. As Shawn and Alliya celebrated their engagement on 90 Day Fiancé, it became evident that Shawn also hadn’t been forthcoming with his own family and friends. Many didn’t know he was in a relationship, and those who did weren't aware it was with a woman.

While the shock of many of the engagement party attendees was initially very concerning, I began to see that Shawn withheld information about his relationship out of a desire to protect Alliya. He didn’t want those close to him to judge her, and he didn’t want her gender to define their relationship. While it’s a red flag that Shawn was so secretive with even his own children, I started to suspect that his lack of openness is a distorted sign of the value he places in his relationship.

Shawn Is Inconsistent In His Of Alliya’s Transition

He Wants The Best For Alliya, But He Isn’t Sure Whether He Can Be With A Woman

Out of Shawn and Alliya’s many disagreements, Alliya’s gender transition is undoubtedly the biggest one. Shawn had trouble letting go of the person he fell in love with, which was understandable. However, his hesitation seems to be returning as Alliya discusses surgical options. Once again, I can’t get a sense of whether Shawn is on board with Alliya’s decisions or not.

Shawn accompanied Alliya to several surgical consultations, and despite his lack of enthusiasm, he claimed to her desire to feel good in her own body. At the same time, Shawn its during his private interviews that he isn’t interested in having a physical relationship with a woman. While I commend him for giving Alliya the encouragement she needs, he needs to be forthright about his own feelings with her, not just with viewers.

Shawn finally opened up about his concerns to Alliya two weeks before their wedding, but it didn’t bring him the clarity he’d anticipated. Alliya couldn’t say whether she would go through with the surgery, even when Shawn said he wasn’t sure if their relationship would survive it. At that moment, I realized Shawn himself felt in the dark about Alliya’s intentions, and it was impossible for him to convey his feelings when he was unsure where Alliya stood in her transition.

Can Shawn And Alliya’s Love Overcome Their Differences?

Their Wedding Day Is Approaching Fast

As Shawn and Alliya’s wedding day nears, they are running out of time to come to with their differences. Shawn needs to be more honest with Alliya, and he also needs to respect her as his equal, regardless of their age or economic status. Shawn sometimes seems to hold Alliya’s position as an immigrant over her head, which is a toxic foundation for any relationship.

Despite my concerns about Shawn and Alliya, I do believe they truly love each other. Shawn puts Alliya’s desire to be secure in her skin first, and Alliya sacrificed everything she knew to reunite with Shawn in America. The first scenes of their 90 Day Fiancé appearance hinted that the tension will come to a head at their wedding, where Shawn insinuates Alliya betrayed him. But with the love that exists between the couple, I’m holding out hope that they can move past their problems and live a happy, healthy life together.